Fairy Joke
by Jenna Cassie Herdz
Summary: When Joker escapes Arkham, he decides to kidnap an unsuspecting citizen. He randomly chooses Tara Fairchild about to go on the town clubbing, but little does he know she would be too interesting to kill. What happens when a Fairy meets a Clown?
1. A Night on the Town

**A/N:** Welcome, one and all, to my first Dark Knight fanfic! so, i'd started on this a while ago and I was on a roll with the first chapter but then I ran out of ideas. it's all coming back to me now and i hope you enjoy this story. i just have to say...i know the Joker's real partner in crime is supposed to be Harley, but i couldn't resist this one. i hope i can keep everyone up to character in this. i have the movie now, so i can refer to that when i need to. i write this in honor of Heath Ledger. Rest in Peace, Heath. We love and miss you.

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_**Chapter 1: A Night on the Town**_

"Evening, nurse," he grinned, licking his lips as she entered the cell, shutting the door behind her. He was sitting against the wall, his long legs outstretched and hands together in his lap.

"Mr. Joker," she nodded, holding the clipboard up to see it properly. "How are we feeling today?"

"Oh, we're feeling just _dandy_," he grinned again.

"Good," the nurse nodded, writing something on the clipboard. "Good."

He licked his lips and clapped his mouth, bored out of his mind as the nurse did her usual stand-around-to-drive-the-inmate-a-little-crazier routine. He swallowed and gazed around his room that he'd been in a little too long then back at the nurse who finally looked up at him.

"Did we take our pill today?" she asked like a mother reprimanding her child.

_I hated my mother_, he thought with a slight grimace then grinned at the nurse.

"No, _we_ didn't," he replied, shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders.

"That's no good, Mr. Joker," the nurse tisked, shaking her head and writing in her clipboard. "We need to take our pills, or we won't get better."

"Uh, can I ask you something?" he wondered, raising his hand high. The nurse frowned then nodded and he put his hand back down. "When you say 'we,' do you mean all the inmates, just you and me or just me?"

"Just you, Mr. Joker," the nurse replied.

"Oh, ok," he nodded and clapped his hands before rubbing them together several times, very quickly. "So what's on the agenda for _us_ today?"

"Well, I doubt you'll want to talk," the nurse replied. "I'm tired of trying to get you to."

"If you _insist_, I'll talk," he grinned and the nurse looked up at him in surprise then became stoic again.

"Alright," she nodded and grabbed the chair across the room and sat down several feet from him. "What would you like to say?"

Joker gazed at the ceiling then scooted forward a bit and moved himself to sit Indian style then slouched forward and said, "I'd like to tell you…how I got these scars.

"See…my mother _abused_ drugs, and one night, she went berserk from taking too much of her pain killers. She…runs to the kitchen, shouting 'I can't take this anymore!' and grabs a knife. I go running toward her saying, 'Mommy, mommy! Don't do it!' And she looks at me and says, 'I'm sick of you holding me back.' She slashes the knife at my little head, and, well…you can see what happened." He gestured to the scars then sat back, stretching his legs out again then said, "That's why I---_we_ won't take our pills. That's what my mom used to use to get high and I'd rather not go down that road. I wouldn't wanna go bonkers on _you_ and scar up _your_ pretty face."

"And your mother," the nurse continued, ignoring his leer, "did she hurt herself?"

"Oh, yeah," he nodded. "She slit her wrists."

"And that was when you had your psychotic break?" she asked, writing on her clipboard.

"Mm, no," he replied, shaking his head and smacking his lips. "Nope. I had my psychotic break when my wife left me."

The nurse frowned and looked up at him from her clipboard to ask, "You were married?"

He nodded, as if it were nothing then cocked his head a bit to the side as he leered at her again and murmured, "She was beautiful…" He leaned forward a bit. "…like you."

The nurse swallowed and leaned back a bit in her chair. He could tell, she was unnerved and it made him grin. In one quick motion, he was up on his knees and right in front of her, his hands gripping the arms of the chair she was in. She gasped when his face of white, red and black make-up came within inches of hers and he just stared at her.

"She never smiled," he grinned and smacked his lips. "You know, you haven't smiled since we met."

The nurse frowned at him in confused horror and he scoffed.

"I mean, you come in here, you write in your little clipboard, ask me if I've taken my pill, ask me if I wanna talk and then you leave and go talk to your friends and supervisor about me. But…you always do it with a stoic, _emotionless_, expression. Not _once_ have you ever smiled at me, and I was just wondering if…this one time…you _could_, just a little? See, then, you wouldn't remind me so much of my wife."

Joker licked his lips as she started to tremble, her breath coming short and he could see the terror in her eyes.

"I'm not gonna hurt you," he assured her with a quick smile and she gave a slight frown but still trembled. "I just wanna see if you can smile, just once…for _us_?"

The nurse still trembled and swallowed then nodded shortly and gave a fake, cheesy grin. Joker frowned and cocked his head to one side as she continued smiling and he groaned as he shoved away from her.

"No, no, no," he chanted and ran a hand through his poorly died green hair as he started to pace. He turned back to her and slapped a hand to his thigh. "That's not a _smile_!" He grinned, genuinely and pointed at his face as he said, "_This_ is a smile! You're just sitting there quacking in your heels!" He strode back toward her and she jumped when he leaned on the arms of her chair again. "Now, why don't we try something here? If I tell you a joke, would you laugh if you thought it was funny?"

The nurse swallowed and nodded, letting her false smile drop again.

"Good," he nodded and shifted on his feet as he looked at the ceiling in thought. "Now, what would you like to hear? A Knock-Knock joke?"

The nurse nodded again, tense beyond belief with fright.

"Ok…Knock, knock."

"H-Who's there?" she trembled.

He gazed at the ceiling in thought then back at the nurse and said, "Ka."

The nurse frowned but replied, "Ka, who?"

"Ka-Boom!"

He laughed maniacally when she jumped and shoved away from her chair, jumping around the room, still laughing. The nurse took that opportunity to run to the door and hurriedly closed and locked it behind her on her way out. Joker immediately ceased his laughing and looked around the room with a frown.

"Hey!" he called, walking toward the door and pressing his nose against the tiny window in the door. "You were supposed to smile for me!"

He started laughing again until he was sure he would die doing it. He slowed his laughing eventually as he slunk down to the floor and sighed as he looked around the room.

"Well, just another day in paradise," he sighed and reached into the breast pocket of his vest he'd made himself to pull out his deck of cards, pulled out the jokers and examined them. "Hello my fine, funny friend."

* * *

_Two weeks later..._

"You sure you wanna go out tonight, Tara?" she wondered with a scrunched nose. "I mean, the Batman's gone evil and didn't you hear the Joker's out again?! It's not a good night to go clubbing."

"It's _never_ a good night to go clubbing, Caroline," Tara smirked back, rummaging through her purse as she stood at the door of their small apartment. "Hell, it's not safe to go out for _groceries_ anymore."

She found her keys and flipped a brunette curl from her face as her emerald eyes landed on the knob to grip it and walk out.

"So what do I tell the cops if you go missing?" Caroline smirked, sitting on the couch and Tara looked back at her with a smirk of her own.

"Just tell 'em I got so drunk I must've forgot to call," she replied, walking out the door. "I'll probably be in Costa Rica with a Latin hottie!"

Caroline laughed as Tara shut the door and headed down the hall then down the stairs to the door to the building. She threw her keys in her purse and pulled out her cell phone to dial a number into it. She hit send and put it to her ear.

"_Hello?_"

"Hey, Nat, I'm on my way."

"_Awesome! See ya here_."

"Yeah."

She hung up and put her phone away then hailed a taxi. When one pulled up she got into the back and sighed, rummaging through her purse once again.

"Where to, sweet cheeks?" the driver asked, gazing into the rearview mirror at her and smacking his lips but she only stared into her compact, applying some make up.

"Call me sweet cheeks again and I'll kick your ass, bud," she snapped, still not looking at him.

"Ooh, got a little fight in ya," the driver chuckled and Tara froze when she heard a cocking sound. She looked up slowly and jerked her arms down, shoving herself further back into her seat when she came face to face with the barrel of a gun. Her heart raced in panic and she heard the doors lock and the driver moved to take off his hat. She sucked wind when she realized who was now holding her hostage.

The white face, black around the eyes, red on the lips with scars that made a nasty grin and head of green hair died with washout crap that comes off within hours. He grinned evilly, showing off yellow teeth and her breath quickened in panic.

"I like a girl with a little fight in her," he grinned on and laughed that sinister laugh of his. Her panic suddenly turned to calm and she crossed her arms with a cocky smirk. Seeing this he frowned at her in confusion, but said nothing else and kept the gun pointed at her face.

"So, _you're_ the Joker," she mused.

"Uh, yeah," he replied, still confused at her calm.

"Always thought you were…taller," she explained and his frown deepened as he gazed around in thought.

"Well, it's kinda dark, and I _am_ sitting," he replied.

"So what do you think you'll accomplish by kidnapping an innocent civilian like me?" she wondered with a shrug. "I'm not important."

"Oh, but you see, that's the point," he grinned, shifting to lean over the partition and still pointing the gun in her face. "I can have a little fun with someone _un_important, whereas someone _important_ would have to be held up for ransom before I even get to have a nice card game with him…_or_ her."

"Oh, I see," Tara nodded and Joker's frown returned. "And someone _un_important doesn't go unnoticed until someone equally unimportant realizes they're missing. And by _that_ time, you've already gotten what you wanted out of them so you might as well get rid of them, right?"

He looked at her for a moment with that frown. He was trying to figure out how a girl who'd been shaking with a fear a few seconds ago was now matching wits with him over hostages. It intrigued him. So much so that he had a laughable idea that would probably end badly, but he had to try anyway. Where's the fun in _not_ trying?

He pulled the gun from her face and sat back in his seat again, but still stared at her. Now _she_ had a frown over her brow. He waved the gun at her to sit in front of the cab with him and she glanced out the door then back at him.

"Seriously?" she chuckled. "You want me to get out of the car and sit up front with you?"

"Yeah," he nodded, smacking his lips again.

"How do you know I want run off as soon as I get out?" she smirked. That earned the gun being pointed at her again, but she didn't move.

"If you do _that_ I'll blow your brains out through the window," he replied, wondering if she'd show even the _slightest_ amount of fear at his threat. She only shrugged moved to get out of the cab but realized it was locked and sat back again. He frowned at her and she waved toward the lock.

"Oh, yeah," he remembered with a nod and unlocked the doors then turned right back to pointing the gun at her. She rolled her eyes and got out of the cab then got back in on the front passenger's side. Joker frowned at her the whole way but pointed the gun at her when she got back in and shut the door.

"Well, stud," she sighed, buckling her seat belt, "let's get this show on the road, huh?"

He frowned at her, unable to understand why she was so calm. Did she not understand what was happening? Was she mentally challenged or something? He couldn't figure this out.

"You realize you're being _kidnapped_," he explained and she nodded with an affirmative noise.

He glanced at her as he turned to start the cab again and drove wildly out of the parking space he was in and into the street. He weaved in and out of traffic, honking randomly at the cars and drivers around him then waving at them like the lunatic he was as he drove passed them. Tara sighed as she looked out her window and he glanced at her a few times to see if she'd even freak out a _little_.

"Oh, I'm Tara, by the way," she suddenly said and he looked at her in surprise as she looked back at him. "I just figured you'd wanna know who it is you're kidnapping."

He said nothing and she shrugged as he suddenly turned into oncoming traffic. She jerked herself back into her seat, her hands gripping the sides until her knuckles turned white. This made him grin. At least he'd gotten _something_ out of her. If she wasn't any fun he was gonna throw her into traffic.

"Ooh! I have an idea!" he smiled and leaned over to kick out the plastic partition as cars sped around the cab to avoid it. Tara frowned as she looked at him and leaned over to pull something from the floor. He held up a shoe with a brick in it to show it to her.

"I'm putting my foot down!" he growled comically then laughed as he placed the shoe on the gas and leaned toward her. "Now you just stay right where you are…" He gripped one of her hands and placed it on the steering wheel. "…and drive for me, won't you?"

Joker laughed maniacally as he climbed into the back seat and Tara held fast to the steering wheel, looking outside to navigate. He rolled down the window and hung himself out the window as Tara jerked the wheel to the left to avoid a van coming at them. He nearly came out of the cab but caught himself and leaned his head in to speak to her.

"Try not to kill me, alright, Turtledove?" he requested then laughed again as he hung out the window again and aimed his gun at the cars passing by. He took a shot at one and hit the tire then watched as the car spun out of control and hit more cars in front of it. He laughed again and clapped his hands giddily as a great ball of fire shot up into the sky then pulled his head back in and climbed into the front seat again, smacking Tara's hands away.

"Ok, my turn!" he said and sat himself in the driver's seat, kicking the shoe with the brick in it away to hit the gas himself. He leaned over to Tara and grinned, "We having fun yet?!"

Laughing as he did, he yanked the steering wheel to one side, sending the car into a spin. Tara screamed as the car still spun, seemingly out of control and Joker kept on laughing. It was all fun and games.

"I think I'm gonna be sick!" Tara warned and he looked at with a grin then yanked the steering wheel forward again, letting his foot off the gas.

He leaned toward her and grinned, "Good!"

Hitting the gas again he sped _with_ traffic this time and Tara started feeling light headed. She passed out to the sound of the Joker's maniac laughter and passing bright lights of cars and traffic lights.

* * *

**A/N:** so the scene after Rachel dies and Harvey's all charred and the Joker is in the back of the squad car hangin his head out the window, i was wondering how he was doing that because the car was weaving all over the place and he was in the _back_ seat. i Lau was with him and probably driving, but i thought this was a better explanation, and very Joker-esk. lol! so, how is it so far? reviews?


	2. Getting to Know You

**A/N:** wow, i have done this in a while...working on two stories at the same time...this one and Riddick. lol! enjoy

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_**Chapter 2: Getting to Know You**_

Tara's eyes fluttered open only to find herself in a dimly lit room, the small overhanging lamp swinging slightly. She frowned and groaned, holding her head as she sat up and realized she was handcuffed to the bed she was laying on. She looked down at her bound hand and tugged on the handcuffs to see if they were at all flimsy. No such luck.

_And now you're __really__ in deep shit, Tara_, she thought to herself and looked around the room. She realized she was underground. The walls were cracking concrete with a huge steel door on the wall next to her and another on the far wall. The bed she was on was had a rusting frame and dusty, thin mattress, and across the room in front of her was a table with God only knew what on it.

She sighed in exasperation at herself, wondering why she hadn't listened to her friend. She was about to lay down again when she heard something from the door on the far wall.

_Is he...humming?!_ she wondered to herself. Joker soon came out of the door she now realized was a bathroom and he was in fact humming. He looked up at her, tucking his shirt into his pants and straightening out his vest as she stared back at him with wide eyes.

"Oh, good!" he grinned. "You're awake." He passed the table and pulled something from its surface. What she didn't know, but she tried to back peddle on the bed to get away from him, her emerald eyes wide as he walked toward her. "Now we can have some fun."

He licked his lips as he sat on the bed, right next to her, a knife in his hand and she felt herself starting to tremble.

"You look nervous," he noticed. "Is it the scars?"

"N-No," she sputtered honestly, shaking her head and thought, _It's the knife!_

"So, Tara," he grinned, scooting a little closer to her and she shoved herself back against the headboard made of iron bars as much as she could. "What's your _full_ name?"

She frowned in wonder but replied, "Tara Fairchild."

"Fairy Child?" he frowned back, scrunching his nose. "What kind of a name is _that_?"

"No, _Fairchild_," Tara enunciated, trying to ignore the fact that he still held the knife, but curious as to why he wasn't threatening her with it.

"Do you like fairy jokes?" Joker suddenly asked, making Tara's frown return.

_This guy has the attention span of a gnat_, she thought to herself, but instead replied, "I don't know. I've never heard any."

"You wanna hear one?" he wondered, twirling the knife in his fingers and licking his lips as Tara swallowed and she stared at the knife but nodded. "Ok. What do fairies do when they pee?"

Tara frowned, curling her lip in slight disgust but answered, "I don't know. What?"

"They _tinkle_!"

He started laughing hysterically, doubling over as he still sat on the bed and the only reason Tara started snickering was because his laughter was kind of contagious.

_At least he makes __himself__ laugh_, she thought. In truth, she thought that was a pretty bad joke, but she knew that was what he was famous for.

Taking a deep breath as he sat up, Joker turned to her with a straight face, his makeup slightly smeared around his eyes from his tears of mirth and Tara could see the wash-out dye for his hair was fading at his roots to show naturally golden blonde hair. The sight of him staring at her so seriously after he'd nearly busted a gut at his own joke made her snicker, but she tried to hold it back, without success. He frowned at her but his frown only made her start to giggle. He looked confused as hell and she thought it was funny.

"What's so funny?" he asked, not believing he'd missed some sort of joke, and just as he said that Tara burst into laughter. She threw her free hand over her mouth, but that only made it worse as he stared at her in wonder. Her feet clad in white heels with red laces started kicking uncontrollably beside him and he glanced from her feet to her face as she continued laughing.

_What the hell did I miss that was so funny?!_ he wondered, starting to get a little annoyed.

"Your face!" Tara laughed so hard she was sure she would die and Joker jumped with a slight start at her response. "The look on your face was priceless!"

She continued laughing and he couldn't help but frown in utter confusion at her. One minute she was scared stiff, and the next she was laughing her ass off. She _had_ to be mentally challenged, as he thought before, but other than her mood swings, she didn't _act_ like she was. Finally calming herself she took a deep breath and used her free hand to wipe away the tears streaming down her face that had squeezed out from her laughing fit and glanced at her handcuffed hand then back to Joker.

"Can you take this off now?" she wondered, still smiling and chuckling but not as hard as before. He looked up at her with wide eyes but narrowed them at her in suspicion, using the knife to point at her.

"How do I know you won't try to run away once I set you free?" he wondered, twirling the knife in her face as he still pointed it at her and she only gave him a blank stare.

"Where am I gonna go?" she asked, rhetorically. "I don't know where the hell we are or how you got me here and even if I did, you really think I'd be stupid enough to try and run from _you_? You're the goddamn Joker!"

"Why, thank you," he grinned, standing from the bed and bowing low then shrugged as he stood tall again and replied, "Alright. I guess I don't need to threaten you then, do I?"

"Not really," she replied as he headed toward her to un-cuff her hand. Her eyes widened when all he had to do was yank the link open to release her hand, and as he stood away from her again he held the cuffs up with a grin.

"They're _fake_!" he sang, tossing them at her and she caught them with wide eyes as he turned to head toward the table which she now realized was full of guns, knives and a few random things she couldn't identify from where she was sitting.

"Bathroom's over there," he said, pointing in the direction of the door he'd come out of earlier as he sat at the table.

"Ok," she nodded, hesitantly standing from the bed. When he only stared at something he decided to fiddle with on the table, she stretched and strolled toward the table, twirling one of her curls. She leaned on the table and tapped one of her toes on the cement floor until he finally looked up at her.

"So, you've kidnapped me," she blurted, drawing his attention to her. "Now what? I thought you were gonna try and scare the living daylights out of me, or at least try to get into my pants."

"No, no," he replied, shaking his head and waving her off with a knife in his hand. "If I was gonna do _that_ I'd have done it while you were asleep." He stopped and looked at the ceiling in thought. "Then again…your reaction to me taking your virginity would be hilarious, wouldn't it?"

"I'm not a virgin," Tara replied, almost defensively, making him look at her again as she sat in the chair across from him and leaned her elbows on the table, her chin on her hands as she asked, "So what are you doing?"

"Cleaning my nails," he replied, lifting his hands up to show her that he was in fact cleaning his nails…with a knife.

"I'm bored," she grumbled, leaning back in the chair and setting her feet up on the table, making Joker look up at her with wide eyes. "Aren't you supposed to be terrorizing me?"

"Slowly, dear," he replied with a sadistic grin. "It's always better when it's slower."

"I've had a few boyfriends that were scarier than you," she muttered, crossing her arms and giving a slight pout as his eyes shot wide at her. He suddenly had an idea and gave another sadistic smirk as he stood from his chair and walked around the table and stepped behind her, the knife in his hand. She caught him, but didn't move as he leaned down to align his lips with her ear.

"Really?" he hummed out, licking his lips when the last syllable ran out. "These boyfriends of yours, did they hurt you?"

"Some," Tara replied, but he noticed the tremor in her voice and grinned, wider. This _was_ going to be fun.

"Is _that_ what made them scary?" he wondered, almost sincerely as he lifted the knife next to her and gently touched the skin of her neck with the tip, making her gasp and jump with a start but she didn't move.

"No," she breathed, her heart now pounding in her chest so hard she could hear it in her ears. "What made them scary was their lack of intelligence."

Joker gave a hissing snicker as he ran the knife gently over her exposed shoulder, careful not to cut the skin and stopped the blade at the collar of her red blouse that exposed her black tank-top and bra straps. He stood tall as he looked at the trail he made with the knife, running it just as gently back up her neck.

Tara swallowed and shivered. She had been trying not to, but the feeling of cold metal on her skin sent a chill up her spine being so close to death. He pulled his knife away when she shivered and grinned again. He could tell he was getting to her, and just to take the joke a bit further he leaned next to her head, his lips now just behind her ear.

"Do you know, why I haven't killed you yet?" he wondered, licking his lips again and she swallowed again and fought a shiver now being caused by his closeness.

"N-Not really," she replied. She could hear her voice shaking and damned herself for it. He was getting under her skin and she was hating it to the point where she was now gripping her arms so tightly, she knew there would be bruises later.

"I find you very…_interesting_," he enunciated, snaking his head around hers again to whisper into the other ear, "You don't react the way people usually would. That interests me."

"Why?" she couldn't help but wonder.

"You ever wonder how I got this town to go all crazy?" he asked, and she gave a small frown but instead of saying anything she only shook her head. "I deviated." He stood tall and placed his knife on the table before placing his hands on Tara's shoulders. "I never ran the same gag twice, and I kept _everybody_ on their toes. First, I wanted Good ol' Batsy out of the picture, then I decided I _didn't_." Still holding her shoulders he leaned toward her ear again and asked, "Can you imagine a world without that pointy-eared caped crusader?"

"Actually, no," she admitted, a little more calmly as he stood again and she frowned when started rubbing her shoulders. He was right. He tried to keep _everybody_ on their toes.

"Exactly," he sighed in a raw voice, still rubbing her shoulders and rocking back and forth as he did. "As much as he screws everything up, he's just what this city needs to wake up all the sadistic low-lives out there that need a little challenge. I mean, much I want it, I can't have _all_ the fun, right Fairy?"

"Y-Yeah," Tara replied with a frown, guessing that was her name now.

"Wow, you have a lot of knots," he muttered, rubbing her shoulders and little harder and making her wince, but she didn't dare tell him to stop out of fear he might bring out the knife again. He leaned forward and used his elbow on her shoulder, making her grit her teeth so hard she was sure they'd crack. She was relieved when he growled and shoved off of her.

"You're hopeless!" he grumbled, walking around the table to sit in his chair again. "You're too tense. You need to relax a little more."

"You tell a _hostage_ to relax?" she scoffed with a small smirk. "That doesn't make too much sense."

"Do I _look_ like a guy who makes a lot of sense?" he asked, sitting leaning on his elbow on the table, another knife in his hand. Tara opened her mouth to reply but decided to shut her mouth and cast her gaze to her lap. Of _course_ he didn't make sense. He was the Joker.

"Now," he chirped, making her jump as he slammed the knife onto the table and rubbed his hands together, looking at Tara. "What to do with _you_."

"Well, we've got a few hours before my roommate reports me missing," she shrugged.

"Is that all?" he sneered. "You can't do much with just a few hours."

She shrugged again and suddenly had an idea. She didn't relish it, but if it kept her alive, it might work. She knew that once those few hours were over she'd be dead meat, and _Joker_ would be doing the carving…literally.

Chewing on her lower-lip in thought she stood from her chair and slowly stepped around the table where he sat in his chair, rummaging through the pile of weapons and junk on its surface. He frowned and looked up at her but she only gave a small smile as she walked up behind him. He sat up straight, his eyes shifting as he heard her heels click to a stop behind him.

_What's she doing?_ he couldn't help but wonder and his question was soon answered when he felt her hands slid to his shoulders. His frown deepened for a second but he quickly gave a devious smirk. _Oh, so she thinks playing on my manhood is gonna keep her alive? Well, I hadn't planned on killing her so soon anyway, but I might as well what she has to offer._

He shifted himself in his seat just a touch to enjoy whatever she had in mind and licked his lips, still smirking. Tara took a deep, silent breath and started rubbing his shoulders, slowly. She jumped with a slight start when he gave a long, loud moan, just to mess with her head a little, but she continued working on his shoulders.

"You know," she tried, clearing her throat of a lump forming there. "You hit the jackpot when you kidnapped _me_."

"That so?" he smirked, not looking at her and not being able to enjoy his shoulder rub, just a little.

"Yeah," she continued, still working her hands. "See, I was just fired from my job a few days ago, I don't really have any family to miss me, and the only person that would really miss me would be my roommate, but she'll get over it." She swallowed, willing her heart to stop pounding as she leaned toward his ear and murmured, "If you wanted, you could keep me here _forever_ without me being discovered."

Joker fought the urge to shiver from the chill that ran up his spine. This girl, he thought, was _just_ what he needed. Someone who could get the same reaction _he_ from people. And she didn't even have to try too hard. He _knew_ she wasn't trying. The only thing she was trying to do was save her own skin.

"I'm hungry," he chirped and looked up at her as she stood tall. "How about we go out for a little fine dining?"

"Out?" she echoed as he stood out from under her hands and spun around.

"Yeah," he grinned, then leaned on the chair to lean toward her face, smacking his lips as he continued, "You're not ashamed to be seen with me, are you?"

Tara only shook her head as she stared at him and he stood tall again, slapping his hands to his thighs.

"Alright then!" he grinned, grabbing his purple jacket off the table in one hand, her hand in the other, yanking her from around the chair and toward the door. "Let's go get us some breakfast!"

_Was I really here all night?_ she thought to herself as they headed out the door.

* * *

**A/N:** ok, so i know the joke is bad. i was looking all over the net trying to find a Fairy joke and couldn't (amazingly enough) so, reviews?


	3. Breakfast

**A/N:** sorry this took so long. And here...we...go.

* * *

_**Chapter 3: Breakfast**_

"I'd like the…"

He trailed off in thought, looking at the menu in front of him as the waitress stood next to him, her hands shaking, her eyes wide in terror, but she somehow managed to hold her pen and pad while he held a rifle up at her and Tara sat across from him at the table. She glanced up at the waitress who was still quaking in her shoes and felt for the woman. If she only knew Joker wasn't really about to kill her until she brought the food and was only messing with her head.

"I'll take the pancakes," he finally said, handing her his menu with one hand. "And make sure the bacon smile is extra wide, ok?"

The waitress only nodded mutely, shakily writing on her notepad then turning to Tara.

"I'll have the same," she answered, quickly so that the girl didn't have to ask. She nodded and took Tara's menu as well, which she'd never opened and almost stumbled when she walked away.

"Isn't this nice?" he grinned, setting his rifle on the table pointed toward Tara. "Just the two of us having a nice breakfast. Good thing I emptied out the place before we sat down, right?"

"Sh-Sure," she sputtered, glancing at the rifle. You'd think she'd be used to it by now, but the fact that the man wielding the weapons was a psychopath made her uneasy more than the weapons themselves.

"Don't go all nervous on me again," he nearly whined. "What's got you like that now?"

"Can you point the rifle _away_ from me," she requested. "You know I'm not gonna go anywhere."

"Just a precaution, sweetheart," he grinned, clicking his teeth as he spun the rifle to face away from her, but toward the poor waitress when she came back. He giggled when she faltered in her steps as she brought their food to them. Her hands shaking she set the plates down in front of them and hurried off when Joker waved her away.

Tara leaned over to look at his plate to see if they'd made the grin on the pancake face wide enough. She glanced up at Joker as he took his fork and knife into his fists and held them up, staring at the plate. He turned his knife around in his hand stabbed his food between the whipped cream eyes, making Tara jump and sit back, and he grinned after the action.

She looked down at her own food which also had a smiling face of whipped cream eyes and a bacon smile, not as wide as the Joker's plate, but pretty good looking smile. She picked up her bacon and started nibbling on it as Joker left his knife in the pancakes and grabbed the syrup to down the cakes in it. After drowning his food he began cutting at it as she watched until the pancakes, bacon, whipped cream and syrup all looked like a plate of mush.

Joker started taking mouthfuls of the mush onto a fork and eating it and Tara made a face as he did. He stopped and looked up at her but she turned back to her food as she took her fork and started cutting her pancakes.

"What?" he blurted, some crumbs coming out of his mouth and she only shook her head, still looking at her food.

"Just remembering some dates I went on a while back and why I sat _next_ to them so I didn't have to watch them eat," she muttered.

He grinned at her, knowing exactly what she meant and scooped up some of the pancake mush from his plate and poured it into his mouth. She gave a sneer, curling her upper-lip in disgust as Joker only giggled and continued eating. She sighed as she picked at her food. She wasn't all that hungry, but decided to nibble at it anyway. Who knew when this guy would want to eat again, or if he even let _her_ eat when he did?

Tara suddenly jumped with a slight start when she felt something vibrate in her pocket. It was her phone. She was sure it was Caroline or Natalie calling to see where she was. She hadn't met up with Natalie last night and she wouldn't be going home any time soon, she was sure of that.

Slowly she placed her hand on her pocket, thankful that Joker couldn't see her hands under the table as he still ate his food. She could hear the phone buzzing, and even though it was a soft buzz, she was sure _he_ could hear it too. Her heart started racing in panic when the phone wouldn't stop. Obviously someone was calling her, and she just prayed they either hung up or that the phone would stop soon as she felt sweat leaking from the pores on her forehead, still watching the maniac in front of her, closely.

"What the _hell_ is that noise?!" he growled with a frown, his mouth full of food as he finally looked up and around then at Tara. "Don't you hear that?"

"Hear what?" she lied, innocently as she turned back to her food, her hand still on her pocket. "I don't hear a thing."

"I heard buzzing," he reported, licking his lips. "Like somebody's phone was going off. Damn cell phones. You can't get away from them! Just when you think you can have a quiet breakfast with someone--- There it is again!"

"I swear, I don't know what you're hearing," Tara smirked calmly, but her hand was clenching her phone, still in her pocket until her knuckles were white.

She felt her heart thump in her chest as he stopped and listened closely. She felt at her phone through her skirt pocket to find the silencing button, but her hands were shaking so badly, she couldn't locate it. She sucked in a silent gasp when he finally looked at her again and gave her a devious smile.

"Holding out me, are you Fairy?" he asked, still smiling and she gave a frown as she shook her head, mutely.

"Oh, now don't go _lying_ to me," he groaned, standing and approaching her as she stared at him with wide eyes the whole way, scooting toward the wall on the other side of her as he sat on the edge of her seat. "You wouldn't want our relationship to start on _lies_ now, would you? Just hand over the phone like a good girl."

"W-What phone?" she sputtered, trying not to shake as he came closer.

"There you go lying again," he crooned, evilly. "That's the buzzing I hear, isn't it? Hand it over---"

"No," Tara replied, flatly and he looked at her with wide eyes, filled with shock which quickly turned into simmering anger.

"What did you just say?" he asked, lowly and Tara's eyes widened at his burning gaze. "You didn't just say 'no' to me, did you? Because, if you did, I'd have to kill you, and I really don't want to do that because you're kinda fun. Now…give. Me. The. Phone."

Without another word Tara shoved her hand into her pocket and pulled her phone out to slap it into his open and waiting hand. Before she could move her hand away, his other hand came up and gripped her wrist, pulling her toward him and grinning, evilly as he licked his lips.

"Don't think you're smarter than me, sweetie," he murmured as she stared up at him with wide eyes, now visibly shaking. He pulled a knife from his jacket pocket and held it against her face as he took her chin into his thumb and index finger, the knife in line with her lips. "And don't forget who I am. I could chop you up into little pieces and sleep very well tonight. So, you'll do what I tell you if you wanna live, right? I'd hate to let my temper get outta hand and go maniac on that pretty face of yours."

Tara only nodded her response, her throat closing in fear. They both jumped when her phone started buzzing again in Joker's hand and both looked at it, then back at each other as he smirked.

"Well, _someone's_ popular," he grinned, evilly then turned his attention to the phone as it stopped buzzing. He used one hand to press the buttons on it as the other still held the knife at her face. "You missed a lot of calls and messages last night. Who's Natalie?"

"A friend I was supposed to meet last night," Tara replied without hesitation as he still looked at the phone and he nodded at her response.

"'Where are you?'" he read the messages aloud. "'Why aren't you here yet? Are you alright?' Who's Caroline?"

"My roommate," she replied, cautiously.

"Really?" he drawled, licking his lips again with a smile. "She left you a _lot_ of messages asking where you are. And she left you some voice mails."

"I should have been home by now," Tara reported.

"Maybe we should stop by?" he grinned, licking his lips again. "Let her know you're alright?"

"Or you can let me call her," she suggested cautiously, making him look at her with a brow raised.

"And how will I know you're not calling the police?" he retorted with a smirk.

"You're holding the phone," she shot back, gathering what little courage she had. "Dial the number and hand me the phone."

He grinned, evilly before nodding and pressing the buttons on the phone again. He pressed send and handed her the phone, his hand still holding the knife to her face but he shifted it in his hand so that she wouldn't cut her mouth while she talked to Caroline on the phone. She took the phone and pressed it to her ear, hearing the ring back tone and staring at Joker as he leaned forward a little.

"The only reason you're getting to do this is 'cause I think it'll be fun," he murmured. "Don't disappoint, ok?"

"_Tara?!_" Caroline shouted into the phone as Tara nodded mutely at the Joker before turning her attention to her friend on the phone. "_Where the hell are you?! Natalie said you didn't show up at the club last night and you're not home yet! Why the hell weren't you answering your phone?!_"

"Easy, Caroline. Easy," Tara crooned. "I'm fine. I met a guy at the club last night before I could find Natalie, that's all. He kinda…" She stared at the Joker's evil grin before replying, "…swept me off my feet."

"_He must be something if you wouldn't answer either one of us all night!_" Caroline retorted, irritably.

"Oh, he's something, all right," Tara smirked and lifted her free hand to play with the knot of his tie, making him frown at her in wonder. "He's hot all over. He really rocked my world last night."

"_Well, I'm glad you had fun while __I__ sat here worrying all night!_" Caroline growled into the phone as Tara continued playing with the confused Joker's tie.

"I told you not to worry, Caroline," Tara replied, calmly as Joker continued to frown at her and she placed her hand on his that held the knife to her face. "I'm in _good_ hands here."

"_Where is 'here,' exactly, Tara?_" Caroline retorted.

"No place in particular," she smirked, lowering the Joker's hand from her face as he continued staring at her. "You wanna talk to him?"

"_To who?_"

"The guy I'm with."

Joker frowned a little deeper then smirked in return and nodded his approval at the idea.

"_Sure, put him on_," Caroline sighed in exasperation and Tara handed the phone over to Joker, which he took with elated eyes and cleared his throat before placing the phone to his ear.

"_Hello?_"

"Well, hello, Caroline," he replied and grinned wider when he heard a gasp on the other end. "I see you've figured out who I am, right?"

"_What have you done to Tara?_" Caroline cried, desperately.

"I didn't _do_ anything to her," Joker retorted as Tara watched him. "She's safe and sound…" He looked back at Tara and grinned, "Right, Fairy?"

"_Who the hell is Fairy?!_" Caroline shouted into the phone.

"It's _me_, Caroline," Tara replied into the phone as Joker held it up to her ear. "And I told you, I'm fine."

"_You're not __fine__! You've been kidnapped by the f---!_"

She didn't hear the rest of Caroline's rant when he pulled the phone away and held it to his own ear. He winced and held it out a moment before putting it back to his ear.

"Hey, easy!" he pleaded. "You'll hurt my ears shouting at me with language like that."

"_You jerk! You'd better not hurt her! I'm calling the police!_"

"Now, why would you wanna go and do a thing like _that_?" he asked. "I haven't hurt her, and I don't _plan_ to. So why don't you just keep the police outta this, alright? Otherwise I'll _have_ to kill your friend here, and then I'll go find _you_ and we'll have a little fun. How does that sound?"

"Don't scare her like that!" Tara hissed, trying to take the phone away, but he held her arm at his arms length and grinned as she tried to struggle against him.

"Struck a nerve, have I, Caroline?" he murmured into the phone. "Well, consider that your warning. Bye, bye, now."

He hung up the phone with a giggle and Tara glared at him as he tossed it onto the table. He continued giggling and looked at her to shrug, "What?"

"Why'd you have to scare her like that?!" Tara snapped, yanking her arm from his grip, but as she did, the knife still in his hand cut her arm and she gave a small cry of pain as she fell back against the wall and gripped the cut.

"Well, _now_ look what you did," Joker scolded, shoving his knife into his pocket and sliding toward her. "See what happens when you're rough? I was gonna let your arm go, ya know?"

He pulled her napkin from the table and moved her hand from the cut to dab it. Tara stared at him with wide eyes at his actions as he only placed the napkin over her cut then replaced her hand over it.

"Keep pressure on it and it'll stop bleeding," he instructed. "You're lucky it wasn't that deep."

"Th-Thanks," she sputtered as he stood to sit on his side of the table again.

"Finish your breakfast, Fairy," he ordered, starting at his own plate of food. "We have a lot of places to go today, and you'll need your energy."

"Where are we going?" Tara couldn't help but ask, picking up her fork to eat her pancakes.

"Now don't go spoiling the _surprise_," Joker grinned. "Don't you like surprises?"

Tara swallowed and nodded, honestly. She _did_ like surprises, but there was no telling what _this_ man had in store for their day.

* * *

**A/N:** ta da! well? reviews?


	4. Errands

**A/N:** sorry i took so long. been busy. enjoy!

* * *

_**Chapter 4: Errands**_

"Alright, boys," Joker grinned into the walkie-talkie, Tara in the front seat of the stopped cab frowning at him. "It's show time."

"_Got it, boss_," the walkie replied, making Tara jump in her seat and Joker just handed it to her.

"Hold that," he blurted, not waiting for an answer before he dropped it into her lap.

He leaned over the reach into the back seat, feeling around on the floor as Tara continued to frown at him. She glanced at the building they were parked in front of, not failing to notice it was a bank, and hoping this wasn't what she thought it was. She turned back to Joker as he still searched the back seat, grunting and panting as he struggled.

"Here they are!" he cheered, making Tara jump again with a start. She was more on edge _now_ than she had been all day. Her eyes widened as she watched him pull two machine guns and handed one to her. "You know how to shoot one of these?"

"What the _hell_ makes you think I've even _touched_ one of these things?!" Tara squeaked as Joker took the walkie-talkie from her lap, replacing it with the machine gun.

"Oh, good," he smiled. "Something new you can try out, then."

"You've _got_ to be kidding," she hoped, staring at him, blankly and he gave her the same stare.

"Do I _look_ like I'm kidding?" he wondered, seriously. Tara opened her mouth to reply but quickly shut it and gave a small shrug as she sat back. He suddenly leaned over and opened the glove box to pull something out. She watched as he pulled out a black bandit mask and dropped it in her hands as she held them out.

"Put that on," he instructed, turning to his gun to adjust it, licking his lips and she frowned in confusion then did as she was told as he continued, "Now, since you're new at this, all _you're_ gonna do is get out when I stop the car and point the gun at people so they do what we tell them, ok?"

"When you stop the car?" Tara echoed with a frown, adjusting her mask a bit.

"You don't have to shoot anyone," Joker assured her, ignoring her question and reaching over to pat her hand as it sat on the gun in her lap then advised, "You might wanna put your seat belt on, Fairy."

Tara continued frowning for a moment before she watched him strap on his own seat belt and start the car. She started fumbling with her seat belt and quickly got it on before he put the petal to the metal. The tires squealed as Tara gripped the sides of the seat until her knuckles turned white, not caring about the machine gun in her lap as they sped toward the bank doors, Joker laughing hysterically next to her.

Last night's memories came flooding back, but for some reason, her fear wasn't as potent as it had been that night. She swallowed back a scream as they barreled up the steps and crashed through the doors. The sound of glass shattering filled her ears as he slammed on the breaks and she jerked forward, hitting her head lightly on the dashboard, but it was enough to make her wince and rub her head. She knew she'd have a bruise or headache…or _both_, later.

"Hurry up!" Joker nearly whined, shoving her toward her door, his machine gun in hand. "Get out! Get out!"

"Don't rush me!" Tara snapped. "I just smacked my head on the damn dashboard!"

"If we don't get out at the same time it won't be dramatic!" he snapped back.

"Oh, shut your face!" Tara growled making his eyes widen slightly at her in surprise as she unbuckled her seat belt. "Fine! Let's go!"

She opened the door and he quickly followed as they heard screams and shouts from his men in clown masks. Joker and Tara lifted their guns, but as Tara started shaking while she pointed the gun at the people around her, Joker shot his into the air to get the hostage's attention.

"Alright, ladies and gentlemen," he called, walking out from behind the car door as Tara swallowed and slowly followed him, still aiming the gun as the Joker continued, "If you'd all, _kindly_ hand over all your valuables to the men…" He stopped and looked back at Tara who frowned at him but he continued, "…and _woman_," He turned back to addressing the hostages. "…no one will get hurt."

He pointed his gun to one of the clerks who gasped and stared wide eyes filled with terror at him.

"Don't…push…the button," he advised in a sing-song voice, licking his lips and the clerk swallowed, raising the hand that had been under the desk. Joker grinned his yellow teeth at him in thanks and waved a couple of his men toward the location of the vault in the back. "Make it quick, boys."

He turned back to Tara who still had her gun pointed at the hostages and sighed as he walked toward her, making her emerald eyes shoot wide at him through her mask. He grabbed the barrel of her gun and shoved it down, making her frown in wonder.

"Stop scaring everybody, will ya?" he muttered, pulling his hand from the gun. "Pointing a gun at them like that, what kind of person _are_ you?"

Tara's eyes widened as she held her gun down in one hand and she tried, "But…_you_ said---!"

"Get the bags from the back seat of the cab and start collecting their valuables," he ordered, pulling the gun from her and tossing it to one of his other men. "Then give the other bags to the rest of my friends here, alright?"

Tara nodded, still confused as all get out, but she did as she was told. She handed bags to the men that were in the room, including the Joker, keeping a bag for herself. She didn't have to say anything when she went up to the first person and held the bag in front of them before he just unloaded his money, watch, cell phone, anything of value into the bag.

She did this with each person until she came to a woman a few years older than her who whispered, "Why are you doing this?"

"I don't think you should talk," Tara whispered back, warningly.

"You obviously don't wanna be here, why are you working with him?" the woman insisted and Tara glanced over her shoulder at the Joker as he walked around, seemingly aimlessly then turned back to the woman.

"For the same reason _you're_ gonna give me all your jewelry, money and everything else worth anything," Tara whispered, "to _stay alive_."

The woman swallowed, nodded and unloaded her things into the bag. Tara nodded and moved on to collect from the rest of the people. She didn't watch as the two men from the vault came back and put the cash in the car the Joker had crashed into the bank.

"Fairy!" he called when she'd reached the last person, making her jump and shoot to her feet as she faced him. He walked toward her and looked around as Tara saw the other men who'd been collecting the hostage's valuables place their bags in the car. He grabbed one of the men's guns and handed it to her. "You get that bag in the car and follow my lead, alright?"

"What are you leading me to?" she wondered as he nudged her toward the car.

"It's a surprise," he grinned. "You said you liked surprises, right?"

"Well, yeah, but---"

"Just go ahead, Fairy," he urged, still shoving her toward the car.

She hurried toward it and threw the bag into the back as he skipped toward the car, his men now pointing their guns at the hostages who were still cowering on the ground. Joker stood at the driver side, opened the door and looked at Tara, waiting for her to do the same. She did then looked at him as she stood behind her door and he set his gun up on top of it. She swallowed, hoping he wasn't going to do what she thought he was, but mirrored his action.

"Alright, everyone," he grinned licking his lips. "We're gonna play a little game of Simon Says. You all know how to play that, don't you?"

Tara frowned at him but he didn't look at her as he looked to the ceiling in thought, shifting his weight.

"Simon Says, shoot all the people in clown masks," he grinned, evilly and Tara's eyes shot wide at him, but he didn't say anything as his men started looking around, obviously panicked and disbelieving.

Joker laughed maniacally as he started shooting his men, the gunshots followed by screams of fear from the hostages. Tara stared ahead in horror at the men as they fell to the floor, dead but some of the few that were still alive in front of her pointed their guns at her.

She didn't think. She didn't say a word. She only aimed and pulled the trigger. She stumbled back from the kick-back of the gun, but quickly regained her footing and set the gun on the car door again, staring ahead in terror at the men she'd killed. Her breathing was labored as she ran the scenario back in her mind. She'd done it out of self defense. Those men were going to kill her. But to her, it didn't matter. She'd never killed before, and it was something she never thought she'd do.

Tara shook all over, her stomach churned as if she was going to puke, and had Joker not pounded on the roof of the car and waved at her to get in, she might have. She hurriedly jumped into the passenger seat and slammed the door shut, still panting, her eyes still wide.

"What d'ya say we get outta here?" Joker grinned, not waiting for her response before he shifted the car into reverse and sped out of the hole they'd made in the doors going in.

He spun the car so that they were facing the street and sped away, weaving in and out of traffic as Tara still panted. He frowned at her, glancing at her every once in a while in confusion then reached over and smacked her arm, making her jump and stare at him with wide eyes.

"What's wrong with you?" he blurted, turning back to the road.

"What's _wrong_ with me?!" she echoed in a high, disbelieving voice. "What's _wrong_ with me?! I just---I just killed four men!"

"It was more like three," Joker shrugged. "But who's keeping count, right?"

"That's not the point!" Tara shouted, but he didn't flinch as he kept driving. "I-I _killed_ people! _Your_ people!" She looked down at the gun in her lap. "With _this_ gun!" She threw it into the back seat and caught sight of the money and bags of valuables and turned back to him. "And I robbed a bank! I _mugged_ all those poor people! I'm _criminal_ now, thanks to you! I thought you wanted to mess with me, not make me your partner!"

"I _am_ messing with you," he grinned, deviously. "The only reason you're still alive is because you're _interesting_. And besides, it's not like you wouldn't have had to pop your cherry _sometime_. You _should_ thank me for getting you out and about and killing so soon, otherwise you wouldn't know what the hell you were doing once you _did_ come out."

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Tara spat, masking her trauma with anger. "I _never_ would have become a criminal if I hadn't met _you_!"

Joker suddenly swerved the car to the side of the road, making her clutch the seat in fear as he slammed on the brakes. He leaned over and took both hands to her face, one holding her chin and the other gripping the back of her neck, but she frowned at the fact that neither one of his hands had a knife this time. His dark eyes bored into her emeralds as she swallowed, knowing he was serious.

"Trust me," he growled, softly. "There are a few things, I know in this world. One…" He pulled the hand from behind her neck and raised his index finger as he resumed, "I know the squealers when I see them. Two…" He raised another finger. "People will do _anything_ to stay alive and kicking, and three…" He raised the third finger and placed all three against Tara's lips as he leaned toward her wide-eyed face. "I know the people that are like _me_ when I see them, and _you_ my dear, are more like me than you might wanna admit."

"I'm _nothing_ like you," Tara hissed, her wide-eyed gaze turning into an angry one that made Joker's eyes widen in surprise.

A second later he smirked, lifting a finger from her lips and wagging it at her as he scolded, "Temper, temper. You'll have to behave if you want your present."

"Like I want any presents from _you_!" she spat, trying to pull her face out of his grip but he caught her chin again and his other hand went to the back of her neck again. "Get your hands off of me!"

"You know, you shouldn't fight so much, it only turns me on," he teased as she still struggled and he laughed and giggled every once in a while when she almost freed herself a few times.

Tara growled and pushed against his chest as hard as she could, but instead of letting go of her as she thought he would when he fell back against his door, he pulled her with him and she ended up in his lap.

"You might wanna be gentle, sweetheart, it's our first time," he taunted some more and giggled through his yellow teeth when she growled and shoved against him, still trying to free herself from his grasp.

His hands left her face and gripped her wrists to pull her toward him before she could shove away again. She stood on her knees and tried to pull her hands from his grip but she lost her balance and ended up falling against his chest, making them both grunt. She froze and stared wide eyes up at him, realizing how close she suddenly was to him as her heart started pounding in her chest.

"Now, don't tell me that wasn't a _little_ fun," he grinned at her, smacking his lips together. "You done with your foreplay, now?"

Tara felt herself blush and set her jaw as her gaze turned angry again and she shoved away from him as he let her go. She slumped into her seat and suddenly realized her mask was still on and yanked it off as he grinned, tauntingly at her.

"You wouldn't know foreplay if it bit you in the ass," she muttered and he snickered, leaning toward her again.

"How 'bout you teach me then?" he grinned, teasingly and she gave him a sideways glare.

"Hell…no," she enunciated and he pouted as he sat up again to start the car.

"Maybe at another time you'll feel differently," he grinned, still teasing her and she only scoffed.

"Don't hold your breath," she retorted.

Joker suddenly inhaled deeply, filling his cheeks with air as he began driving and Tara couldn't help but give a small smile of amusement as she looked out her window. He let out his breath in a raspberry after a few seconds and glanced over at her, seeing her smile. He tapped the steering wheel, waiting for her to ask him something but she only continued staring out her window.

Growing impatient, he finally just asked, "Well-uh?"

Tara jumped with a start and looked at him with wide eyes as she blurted, "What?"

"Aren't you gonna ask where we're going next?" he wondered. "Or maybe what your present might be?"

"I thought you were joking about the present," she replied, genuinely and he slumped forward, glaring out the window and she gave a small smile, deciding to humor him. "But now that you mention it, what _is_ my present?"

He turned to her and grinned, not taking his eyes from her as he still drove and he murmured, "It's a _surprise_."

* * *

_Evening..._

"I don't get why we had to go to a fabric store," Tara blurted, examining the material in the bag in her lap. "You didn't even hold up the place. You actually _spent_ some of the money we stole!"

"I know," Joker grinned as he drove down the street. "Did you see the look on that clerk's face? She was terrified but confused. That look is priceless."

"Oh, yeah," Tara grumbled, shoving the material back in the bag. "Especially since you were sitting there twirling your knife just to freak her out – that was the best, right?"

"See," he continued to grin. "You're catching on."

Tara rolled her eyes and continued to rummage through the bag. Joker glanced at her a few times before leaning over and snatching the bag from her to toss it into the back seat.

"Hey---!"

"No peeking!" he scolded before she could finish her statement. "It's a _surprise_, remember?"

Tara glared at him and slouched in her seat, looking out the window then asked, "So where are we going _now_?"

"Back to my place," he replied. "Where'd you _think_ we were going?"

"I didn't think you were done 'running your errands'," she replied, making air quotes as she said the last three words and he frowned at her.

"Well what was all 'that' for?" he wondered, making air quotes as well and her eyes shot wide for a second when he took his hands off the steering wheel to do it. When his hands went back to the wheel she gave him a blank stare.

"Robbing a bank is not 'running an errand'," she explained. "It's _robbing a bank_. Running an errand is like…going to the grocery store for food or going to the dry cleaner's to drop off a suit you got mayo on the collar of, not robbing a bank then killing off your henchmen!"

"Do I look like a guy that would run a _normal_ errand like that?" he wondered, honestly and Tara shrugged, looking out her window again. She had to admit, he was right, and at least he knew he wasn't 'normal,' even if he insisted he wasn't crazy.

"So," he chirped, drawing her from her thoughts, "we'll head to my place and I'll finish up your surprise."

"Well, I'm glad it's not just the pile of material in that bag back there," Tara blurted, jabbing a thumb at the back seat. "So what's it all gonna turn into?"

"Don't you understand the concept of a surprise, Fairy?" he retorted, and she could hear in his tone that he was slightly irritated. "I'll explain it to you. You're supposed to wait until the person _giving_ the surprise actually _gives_ it to you."

"I know," Tara snapped. "I'm just not very patient. And why the hell are you giving me a present, anyway? Aren't I a hostage?"

"Doesn't mean I can't give you a present," Joker grinned, reaching over and tousling her hair with a giggle.

"Hey! Stop it!" she snapped again, swatting his hand away. "I just got my hair the way I wanted it!"

"When, last night?" he retorted with a smirk, pulling his hand away. "We're gonna get that fixed tomorrow, too."

"Get what fixed?" she wondered, combing her fingers through her curls.

"Your hair."

"What's wrong with my hair?!" she squeaked.

"It's too…_normal_," he blanched. "We'll dye it tomorrow."

"You are _not_ dying my hair."

"Oh, why not?"

"Because I _like_ my hair color."

"How can you like it? It's _brown_."

"Better than _green_!"

"What's wrong with green?!"

"Your head looks like a booger!"

Joker slammed on the brakes in the middle of the street and Tara frowned as he started laughing hysterically, stomping his foot on the floor and rocking back and forth in the seat as Tara stared at him wonder and confusion.

"'Your head looks like a booger'!" he repeated, still laughing maniacally and Tara couldn't help but snicker at her own words. "You're hilarious, Fairy!"

"I-I guess," Tara chuckled, then laughed out loud as well. Cars swerved around them as they only continued laughing for a good minute or so then finally calmed down.

"I was really worried you didn't have a sense of humor, Fairy," he giggled, still coming down from his Hysterical High.

"What are you talkin' about?" she giggled, coming down as well. "I laughed at you when we were back at your place and I was…handcuffed to the bed."

"Yeah, but I didn't think you'd _say_ anything funny," he giggled, wiping a tears of mirth from his eyes, smearing his make up a bit.

"I can be funny," she smiled.

"Just another reason to keep you alive, I guess," Joker smirked at her, taking the steering wheel into his grip again and hitting the gas again as Tara looked at him in surprise. "Not that I was gonna kill you anyway."

"You weren't?" she breathed in wonder.

"Nah," he shrugged and shook his head. "Why should I? You're kinda fun."

Tara only gave a small nod and sat back, her eyes still wide as she turned her attention ahead and she gave a small smile, a weight being lifted from her shoulders. This wasn't so bad. She could handle this. All she need do was keep up the fun level and everything would be fine. She would live. She could do this.

_But, what happens when I can't anymore?_ she couldn't help but wonder. She quickly shook that thought from her mind. She had to stay positive. It could work. She'd _make_ it work.

Joker kept his eyes on the road as they sat in silence. For once, he didn't want to go crazy on the street right now. He couldn't understand why he was being so different with this girl. He couldn't figure out why he was dragging her along with him on his 'errands' and it was driving him crazy.

It had been kind of fun seeing her react the way she did when he brought her along on the robbery, and having a helping hand at getting rid of his free-loading henchmen, but he should've been done with her by now. He should've gotten rid of _her_ by now. Killed her, ditched her, _something_ other than keeping her around.

Still, it seemed a little nice having somebody around to joke around and cause mayhem with. Maybe with her around he wouldn't feel as alone as he did sometimes. Besides, she could be useful _and_ fun, he was sure. That thought made him smirk. He remembered what she'd done when she thought he was going to kill her, and it made him wonder what _else_ she might do. He'd find out, soon enough.

* * *

**A/N:** i figured it was time for some Joker thoughts, yes? and i ran the hair segment by my 'editor' and she said it was funny, so those of you who don't just don't have a sense of humor, lol! jk. reviews?


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